Out of Sensei's Hands

I had a terrific class yesterday. One of our members tested for sixth kyu yesterday, and afterwards many people went to the new dojo for pizza (probably, I'll find out on Tuesday), and again, probably stayed afterwards to do some more work on our dojo-in-progress.

There was also a small group who skipped the dojo work, but were more than happy to stay for pizza, before they cut out and spent the day at Six Flags Great America. I was asked, but declined the invitation. It was mostly the young, single people who went to Six Flags. Being neither young, nor single, I chose not to go. My wife and I went to my classroom instead. There are still many things to do before school starts on Thursday.

Class itself was very nice. We had a Tai Sebaki (open hand, if I got that right) class for one hour, followed by a weapons class. The open hand class was, again, terrific. I performed the techniques well, and worked with a number of different people. Oddly, our chief instructor asked our regular instructor to teach so he could, as he said, practice. I worked with him once.

There was a moment at the end, after our sixth kyu test, that bothered me momentarily, but I did my best, and am still doing my best, to "keep goddam stupid ego out of it," as Terry Dobson said. I know I'm good, I just would like to have the chance to show it once in a while.

We had weapons after that. We worked on the 31 Jo Kata. I worked with our regular instructor. We traded uke and nage to show the rest of the class (both of them) what to do. There was a time when I had to strike downward on his jo staff, and when I did, I knocked it out of his hand. He was impressed that I was able to do that. I was surprised that I was able to do that. Then I did it again. And I think again. When he did it to me, I could feel his strike run through my jo staff and up into my arm. My bad wrist felt it worst of all. After a few hits, he stopped to watch the other two, and I was able to take a minute to regroup. About all I could do was shake my wrist and hope for the best. Despite that, I had fun, and proved to myself how much I'm improving. I just hope that when school starts I can continue my high level of attendance.

Sunny Side of the Street

It was time for my annual bone density test. The machine is a long, flat table that I lay down on. There is another piece about two feet over the base of the table that takes the x-rays. That piece moves up and down the table. They took pictures of my spine, hips and ankles. In some areas my bone density rose, and it dropped in others. Overall, my density is slightly up, but the numbers are insignificant. Something to the nature of -1.092 last year, and -1.087 this year. It's close enough to the normal range that it's fine. I'm sure it would be better if it was higher, but it's still good.


We went to school today, and started putting my room together. Lu started emptying the boxes of books for my student library, while I put by desk where I wanted it, stacked two shelf units on top of one another to make a tall shelf, and started putting my school binders on the shelf.

I also discovered that my casement windows are not going to be arriving for another month. One month. The workmen removed the plywood from the frames and installed solid pieces of glass that do not open.


The windows do not open.
 
At all.
 
My room does not have air conditioning, and right outside my window is a large parking lot/asphalt area. The asphalt traps heat all day long and radiates it out. Not too different from the way a grocery store's parking lot is always ten or more degrees warmer than everything else during the summer. I am not sure about the shades for the windows. I don't see them in my room waiting to be installed. If they don't go up, then the sun and heat will be coming into my room all day long, and I'll have no fresh air at all.

This didn't happen last year. The teachers on the east side of the building got all their windows on time, although they had to wait for shades. Since they are on the east side of the building, the sun and heat are not such a big issue. By the time the kids leave my room at 2:45, the temperature is usually well into the nineties on the warm days. September is going to be fun.

Premonition of Sorts

I was where I usually am when an important or new idea strikes: in the shower. For whatever reason, I thought about my student teacher from last year, Sarah. She did a brilliant job. She was a carbon copy of me, so of course she was brilliant.

The phone rang earlier this afternoon. It was Sarah. She called to let me know that she got a job teaching fourth grade, like me, in the next city to the north. I am thrilled. We talked for a while, and I let her know that I would always be there for her, and she could call or email if she had any questions about curriculum or anything else she might have a question about. I'm very happy for her, and I know she'll do a great job. She was meant to do this.

Saturday Dojo Party

Joe decided to have a dojo get together. He lives in Illinois, about one half hour's drive south from our current dojo, and about 20-something minutes south of my house. I had his address, so I used my Tom Tom to find my way. I love my sat-nav. I'd be lost without it.
We left the dojo about 1:00 or so. The younger, single people went straight to Joe's from there. I went home to clean up and collect my family. Lu made home made mac-n-cheese with the potato chip topping that needs to be baked in the oven. It's a family favorite, but Lu complains that it gets dry too quickly. It doesn't seem to matter how much milk we add, it gets dry. I still like it, though. As I'm writing this, Lu and I were just talking about the party, and we discovered that we were the only people who brought food. Most people only brought beer, or brought nothing at all. At least when Lu and I go somewhere, we do it right. Lu also noticed that nobody brought any dessert.
I think we arrived about 2:30 or so. The young people had already eaten, but who cares? Joe made brats, hamburgers and baked pork and beans. As we mentioned, we added the mac-n-cheese. There was also some home made taco dip and chips, but I think Joe and his wife made that. I ate a little, but Lu ate even less. I didn't eat much because as I was pulling up to Joe's house, he came walking out and told me to park my car in his driveway. I followed directions, since he's a Lt. Colonel in the army, so when he gives an order, I listen. I tried to back up, but as I did, I lost sight of his low-to-the-ground car and our bumpers rubbed against each other. We both lost some paint, but that's all. That's all. Right. It was enough for my day to be pretty much ruined. I hate doing that. Joe didn't seem to mind at all, and I just kept apologizing. Again, and again. I told him if there was any cost to fix his car, I'd take care of it. Again, it was just some paint, but I felt terrible. I've already decided that I'm going to buy him a very nice bottle of wine, and bring it to him on Tuesday at the dojo. Joe is a red wine drinker, I discovered.
As the day wore on, the party seemed to break up into two groups: the older people, including me, and the younger people. I mostly stayed with the older people, except when Gabriella or Isadora wanted to play the beanbag toss game that the younger people just couldn't seem to get enough of. I tried it a couple times, but couldn't get the feel of it. We have the game here at home, and I seem to do much better here.
Joe had a very interesting house. He grew up there, and his parents lived there until their deaths. He inherited the house, and has lived there ever since. He said the house started out very small and was added on to twice. A quick look at the outside confirmed what he said. Parts of his house were very old. There was a very large deck out back, and a swimming pool that comes into play later. He also added a Japanese garden, which was very beautiful. We sat and talked, and Joe had a great time showing off his garden, and his his house in general.
After a bit, the young people decided to go into the pool. It was the Esther William's model. About four feet deep, and maybe 15 feet across. It was also really cold. The guys jumped in, but the two girls took a long time to lower themselves in. It rained all morning long, and despite my telling Lu to pack suits for the girls, she decided not to. Fortunately, Joe, who is only two years older than me, has several grandchildren. His wife asked if Isadora wanted to get into the pool, noting that she had a size 6X girl's bathing suit in the house. Isadora jumped at the chance to get into the pool.
The young people were in the pool, including Terri, Andrew, Michael, Ashley (they are a couple), and Nick. They are all single except Terri, although she acts like she's single. I also noticed she kept going back to her cell phone to call her husband. I think she was trying to get him to come to the party, although he never showed up while we were there. The young people were doing a whole lot of splashing around, and Joe had a wide variety of pool floaty devices, which the young people were using in a variety of ways. Isadora still wanted to swim. Because of the what Lu didn't pack, I didn't have a swim suit either. I needed one, because the pool was four feet deep, and Isadora couldn't go in without me. Fortunately, Joe had a pair of Army swim trunks that he let me borrow. I was amazed that they fit, since Joe looks a lot thinner than me. They were a bit snug going over my bum, but otherwise, they were good. Lu said I looked good.
The older people could easily tell how cold the pool was, and when they saw me taking my daughter in, they agreed that I was a good dad.
I made my way into the pool, and it's an understatement to say it was cold. I didn't want to be like the girls and take forever to get in, but I also wasn't going to do a cannonball, either. I just used the ladder, and lowered myself in without pause. Did I mention the water was cold? Once I got in, some, including Sensei, asked if I thought the water was cold. I said, "A little," which elicited a laugh from the dry and warm people on the deck. It was time for Isadora to get into the water. She looked around and saw a floaty device that was basically a boat. "Here, Daddy." She threw it in the pool so I could hold it as she climbed in. I am in this water freezing, and she's completely dry. I pulled her around the pool, keeping as far from the young as I could. After a while, she decided to get into a small tube. That was fun. By the time she tried to get onto the third floaty thing, she was too cold, and I said it was time to get out. I was happy that pool time was over.
We left soon after that. It was about 6:00, I guess. I brought ten bottle of beer with me, five Sam Adams Light, and Five Berghoff Summer Wit. The Berghoff was a very famous German restaurant in Chicago. They hired a brewery in Monroe, Wisconsin to brew beer for the restaurant. The beer became popular enough that they licensed the name and recipe and now it's sold in some liquor stores. It was pretty good. I left some of each in Joe's cooler in case somebody wanted some later, and took the rest home. We were not the first to leave, but pretty darn close. I think Joe was going to start a fire in the pit and have everyone make s'more's. I think we left at the right time. The girls were tired, and were happy to get home. Lu and I were also happy to get home.

Saturday Morning

 It rained early yesterday. I didn't bring any gardening tools with me to the dojo, and that worked out fine. Let me briefly explain. Walk in the front door, and there is the "customer" area. Remember, this was a plumbing store before. Customers would walk in, step up to the counter, and order parts. I'm conservatively guessing that this area is between 15 and 20 feet in each direction. I'm not sure what the plans are for this space. There is a door off to the left that leads into a smallish 10' by 10' room, or maybe a bit larger. There is some furniture there now, as well as a refrigerator filled with lots of beer. No, I didn't drink at all. Nobody did. It was too early.
There is a hallway that runs down the center of the building with the customer area on the right, and the room on the left. That hall goes past the two rooms - one on each side - where I pulled out the baseboards. Beyond that is an open area that we will use for our practice. Around the corner to the left is a bathroom. It shares a common wall with the room that holds the refrigerator. Some of us were talking and we weren't sure that this new space isn't much different in size from where we practice now. Maybe it's an illusion. Maybe we'll be able to get in a lot more mats than we have now. We'll see.
My first job was to remove the baseboards from two small rooms that will be right off the practice area. We don't know if we're going to keep these as changing rooms, or demolish them and build changing rooms somewhere else. So I carefully removed the baseboards and pounded out the nails so we could use them again. I noticed that the baseboards from opposite walls were different lengths. I guess they didn't care much if the rooms were square. My second job was to measure the slope of the floor using a laser level and a tape measure. That required a lot of crawling around on the dirty concrete floor.
We also decided on a floor. On top of the concrete we'll arrange 6" x 6" x 3" (or 4") blocks of foam about one foot apart arranged in offset rows. On top of that will go 1/2 inch sheets of 4' X 8' OSB (oriented strand board). On top of that will go a rubber-like material that comes in large rolls about 3' across. On top of that goes the Pergo-like flooring (Sensei decided on bamboo - it looks terrific). On top of that will go our mats. The mats will roll up, so other groups, such as dance, exercise, or yoga, could potentially use our space.
We put together a sample that was about 8' by 8' of all the underlayment, with one box, about 4' x 8', of the snap together flooring on top. We walked on it. We danced on it. We jumped on it. It looked like it moved up and down under our feet too much, but it never felt too soft. We put a practice mat on top of that. Then we fell on it. We threw each other on to it. We bounced a bowling ball off it. Our worry was that something would break the Pergo-like bamboo floor underneath, but it held together beautifully.
Sensei also had a natural cedar privacy fence installed around the back yard perimeter, with a large two-piece gate at the driveway. The driveway enters from the side street, and runs behind one building before entering the dojo property. Now that the fence is up, I can see the back area is much larget than I first thought. We should have enough space for a workout area, and the Japanese garden he wants. There is also a garage(?) back there. Maybe it's a very large tool shed. I'm not sure, but Sensei wants to keep it erect, but change it somehow so it's more like a gazebo or something: Open walls, cinderblock posts at the corners, with the asphalt shingle roof overhead.
It's going to take a long time to get the dojo ready, but it's going to be worth it.

One Little Step, One Bright Lightbulb

I wrote this here back in June of 2010:

"Finally, Aikido is good for my Aiki spirit. It was toward the end of a very long and difficult time in my life. I was having some very serious personal relationship issues. She came into my life unexpectedly, and made that difficult time even worse. I have never been treated so badly before, or since. The Aikido helps me deal with the feelings I still carry. I would like to forgive, but I am not in that place yet. It has never affected any part of my daily life, but if you were to ask, I'd immediately tell you that, no, I haven't forgotten, nor have I forgiven. I would like to be able to forget. I'm not sure about the forgiving part, though. Maybe I'll never get the one without the other."

Aiki spirit means to join with someone rather than to fight. In the dojo it typically refers to the physical, but we can also blend the mental, emotional, or spiritual. I realized this week that I've been thinking about something that wasn't even happening. Once again, I've found that I'm dealing with a perception, while ignoring the reality. I got a terrific dose of reality this week.

I found a blog the other day. It belongs to a woman I knew a long time ago. Sadly I was in a very bad place at the time, so I was not able to have a healthy relationship with this woman. I've known this for a long time, and in my heart, I have taken responsibility for that.

I suppose it was the aiki spirit in me that decided to reach out. I'm not sure what I was looking for, but I know what I found. I found that while I thought I was carrying a lot of bad feelings, I was not. I wrote a comment on her blog, similar to the comments I leave other diarists on www.OpenDiary.com, where I keep my main blog. I wrote something that was hardly profound, but in my own clumsy way expressed concern, hope, and good wishes. I also mentioned that she had a nice family, as she had posted some photos.

While the old me would have balked at posting the comment, this me, the gentle Aikido warrior me, posted the comment with no hesitation. Then I let out a long, slow breath and realized something.

There was no anger, no resentment, no bitternes. Nothing but calm, stillness, peace.

I've been wondering to myself when I would be able to forgive the past, only to realize that I already forgave years ago. It's only been my mental blindness that's kept me from realizing what my heart already did years ago.

Will she write back at some point? I don't know, and honestly, it doesn't really matter. I have realized that I am at peace with this, and have been for a very long time. The only feelings and memories that are left are good ones. I can look back on everything that happened and be grateful for all of it, because it, along with everything else, brought me to where I am today. I would not trade that for the world.

From My Other Blog

Background: I am saving you the trouble of reading my previous entry wherein I explain that I am taking a continuing education class for the purpose of license renewal. It is called "The Daily 5." Two sisters who teach reading have developed this method of teaching reading. Perhaps if the two sisters taught us, it would be better. Instead, two "experts" from a nearby district are teaching. Until now, I was unfamiliar with their abilities. I thought this class would help me be a more effective teacher of reading. I thought it would be interesting. I was wrong.

I can't believe how exhausted I am after coming home from a day of sitting around doing nothing. I sit all day and I get very stiff, especially in my hips and knees where I have arthritis. I like to be moving around. It might help if this class was engaging, but sadly it isn't. Even now, we're sitting in a computer lab, and there is nothing to do. The class instructors have given us a list of reading and "Daily 5" web sites to explore, but I just have zero interest.

This is absolutely the worst continuing education class I've ever experienced. We had the opportunity to evaluate the class this morning, since today is the final day. I've never done this before, but I had no other choice than to give the lowest possible grade to each aspect of the class. I also wrote several pointed comments about the disorganization; the way the examples focus only on Kindergarten and first grade activities; the poor use of technology; and the snail's pace of the class. I still am not sure why we are looking at web sites. The sisters who developed the Daily 5 have password protected and copyrighted everything they do and say, so we can't get access to the original material unless we pay dearly to get it. I see that one of the sites we've been given to explore is from Blogspot.com. I know that Blogspot is blocked at the District level (as is this site). Both are considered "social networking" sites.

I was so tired yesterday that I actually skipped going to the dojo. This is the first class I remember missing this whole summer. I certainly want to continue going as often as possible. I'm down to about 80 hours before I test for my brown belt, so I want to keep going. Being tired shouldn't stop me, but last night it did. I'm guessing with about 80 hours of training left, I should test some time in the spring. I'm looking forward to this very much. I've been a blue belt for almost three years now, and I'm ready for that brown obi (belt) around my waist.

One of my colleagues just looked over at me. I held up my hand to my head as though it were a gun. I pretended to shoot myself in the head.

I really want to go home now.