Reaching a New Plateau

"You've reached a new plateau, and you're looking very good on the mat." Sensei told me.
"Thank you," I said. "It seems like a small plateau, but yes, I feel that I'm improving."
"How many hours to you have at rank?"
 "About 50"
"And how many hours before you're able to test?"
"About 135. I think I'll be there in about one year"
"Good. We need more brown belts at the dojo."

I am very happy with my progress lately. I am trying to bring a more serious self on to the mat each time I'm at the dojo. Take Tuesday, for example. Besides having the above conversation with Sensei, I also really held it together when I got smacked in the face by my training partner about ten minutes before the end of class. We were practicing jujinage, and I was uke. My partner took hold of my incoming arm, but instead of feigning atemi to my face in order to grab my other arm, he went ahead and just hit my face. I had my hand up to block his strike, but when his hand came in, I saw it come over my hand, then down to my face. The hit was solid.

He apologized again, and again, but it was not necessary. My face stung a bit, but there was no damage. My first thought was that I'd get a bloody nose, but it never hurt enough for me to seriously consider it. I think in all we stopped training for perhaps 15 seconds at most.

Between that event, my overall improvement, and Sensei's observation about five minutes earlier of my willingness to do breakfalls contributed (I think, anyway) to his comment after class.

The next change I've made that has paid big dividends is my approach to forward rolls. Previously, I was dropping my hand down to the mat with the outside edge of my hand touching the mat first in the traditional manner. My forward rolls were fine, but less than good. Recently, I was watching one of our dojo members who has practiced many of Donovan Waite's ukemi techniques doing forward rolls, and noticed that he puts his palm down first and points the fingers of that leading hand directly (or almost) back at himself. I tried it myself, and I could not believe how my rolls changed. I've been using this technique at the last two sessions, and my forward rolls have smoothed out considerably. I'm also getting my head lower to the mat on approach, which makes the whole fall much less jarring on my body. I also make sure I keep my eyes wide open. That helps, too.

Finally, I've let go of the past. I know that sounds strange, and it wouldn't seem to apply to Aikido, but it does for me. Many years ago, I met someone who I really cared about, but I found out that the feelings were not reciprocated. In fact, I was nothing more to her than a one "weekend" stand. For years I had that "what if" thought in the back of my mind, simply because that is the type of person I am. When I care about someone, even someone who doesn't care about me, those feelings are strong and difficult for me to let go of. I am not one to give up easily on anything or anyone.

I recently "stumbled" across this woman's blog and happily realized that I am the luckiest guy in the world. I read a half dozen entries with a clear mind, and that was all it took for me to see her for what she was, and still is. I let go of all the thoughts of "what if," and a sense of relief washed over me. I felt a weight lift off me. Letting go of all that baggage has led me to move on and live in the present, concentrating only on the here and now for the first time in a long, long time. That focus has followed me into the dojo as well. There is a brown belt out there with my name on it, and I am heading toward it on the warrior's path feeling very, very good indeed.