Missing the Mat

I have fallen, or been thrown several times and landed next to the mat, but in this case, I had other things to do, and did not go to the dojo this morning. Instead, my whole family went grocery shopping. My wife has been taking a class that meets on Saturday, but class was canceled today. We took advantage of the time together to get our shopping done today, which would give us more time to relax tomorrow. There was no school on Thursday and Friday, and today feels like Sunday, so I'm looking forward to tomorrow as an "extra" day off. Aside from missing class this morning, it's been a great weekend.

Little Sleep

I got very little sleep last night. I worked at a fairly intense level at yesterday's practice and by the time I got to bed the pain and muscle fatigue had really set in. I just can't sleep when I feel that way. This morning my knees were killing me - still are, and the deep red marks around my wrists and forearms are a testament to last night's workout.

There was one technique that I still don't remember the name of, but we practiced from a katatedori wrist grab, gyakuhanmi where we ended up pushing uke's elbow directly back at uke and up, and then throwing uke away with the same elbow. It was a strange technique. I'm tired, but feeling good.

And in regard to yesterday's post, sad and pathetic are the only words I can use for that person's life. I know it sounds like I'm dwelling or whatever, but working past it has opened my eyes to what I was previously blind to. The connection here is that letting go has been a really good thing. I'm happier now than I have been in a very long time.

And that is now enough of that.

Reaching a New Plateau

"You've reached a new plateau, and you're looking very good on the mat." Sensei told me.
"Thank you," I said. "It seems like a small plateau, but yes, I feel that I'm improving."
"How many hours to you have at rank?"
 "About 50"
"And how many hours before you're able to test?"
"About 135. I think I'll be there in about one year"
"Good. We need more brown belts at the dojo."

I am very happy with my progress lately. I am trying to bring a more serious self on to the mat each time I'm at the dojo. Take Tuesday, for example. Besides having the above conversation with Sensei, I also really held it together when I got smacked in the face by my training partner about ten minutes before the end of class. We were practicing jujinage, and I was uke. My partner took hold of my incoming arm, but instead of feigning atemi to my face in order to grab my other arm, he went ahead and just hit my face. I had my hand up to block his strike, but when his hand came in, I saw it come over my hand, then down to my face. The hit was solid.

He apologized again, and again, but it was not necessary. My face stung a bit, but there was no damage. My first thought was that I'd get a bloody nose, but it never hurt enough for me to seriously consider it. I think in all we stopped training for perhaps 15 seconds at most.

Between that event, my overall improvement, and Sensei's observation about five minutes earlier of my willingness to do breakfalls contributed (I think, anyway) to his comment after class.

The next change I've made that has paid big dividends is my approach to forward rolls. Previously, I was dropping my hand down to the mat with the outside edge of my hand touching the mat first in the traditional manner. My forward rolls were fine, but less than good. Recently, I was watching one of our dojo members who has practiced many of Donovan Waite's ukemi techniques doing forward rolls, and noticed that he puts his palm down first and points the fingers of that leading hand directly (or almost) back at himself. I tried it myself, and I could not believe how my rolls changed. I've been using this technique at the last two sessions, and my forward rolls have smoothed out considerably. I'm also getting my head lower to the mat on approach, which makes the whole fall much less jarring on my body. I also make sure I keep my eyes wide open. That helps, too.

Finally, I've let go of the past. I know that sounds strange, and it wouldn't seem to apply to Aikido, but it does for me. Many years ago, I met someone who I really cared about, but I found out that the feelings were not reciprocated. In fact, I was nothing more to her than a one "weekend" stand. For years I had that "what if" thought in the back of my mind, simply because that is the type of person I am. When I care about someone, even someone who doesn't care about me, those feelings are strong and difficult for me to let go of. I am not one to give up easily on anything or anyone.

I recently "stumbled" across this woman's blog and happily realized that I am the luckiest guy in the world. I read a half dozen entries with a clear mind, and that was all it took for me to see her for what she was, and still is. I let go of all the thoughts of "what if," and a sense of relief washed over me. I felt a weight lift off me. Letting go of all that baggage has led me to move on and live in the present, concentrating only on the here and now for the first time in a long, long time. That focus has followed me into the dojo as well. There is a brown belt out there with my name on it, and I am heading toward it on the warrior's path feeling very, very good indeed.

Day by Day

I take my progress in Aikido, and look at it as a day-by-day progression. We have classes three days per week, and I've been to thirteen classes so far this month. I've missed one day, and one day was canceled due to a seminar at the Midwest Aikido Center in Chicago - I did not attend. I am less than enthusiastic about attending seminars, which seem like advanced study, because I feel I have so much to learn at a basic level. I am improving; I feel that. I still have days where I feel I'm not making any forward progress, or worse, taking backwards steps, but I'm having more good days than bad days.

We have some very good fourth and fifth kyu students, and sometimes I feel they are every bit as good as me, despite my rank of third kyu. Part of that thinking begins with their age: they are all quite a bit younger than me, and they move like it. Perhaps it might me more accurate to say that I am older, and I move like it, yet I move with a certain level of confidence on certain techniques. I also see an increase in my ki, and my ability to move from my center. I have been told as much as well. Our instructor has told me that I am moving better and better. I am happy about that since certain health issues slow me down and limit my ability to move in certain ways. Thursday, for example, was a very rough day at the dojo for me. Every part of my body hurt, no matter what I did. Today, however, I felt that I was moving really well. I was able to enter into techniques with more energy and life - both as nage and uke. I really enjoyed today's class. I could not say the same for Thursday.

Once again, patience and humility must rule the day.

Where's the Focus?

No class today. There's a wedding at the church, and they need the common room for the reception. We will meet again on Tuesday. The announcement email noted that this is why we need to move the dojo to our own space where these types of surprises will not occur.

Thursday's class was very nice. On Friday I had a run-in with one of my students that shocked my student teacher to no end. Yes, I know that they are only fourth grade students, but there is no time like the present to remind them about (Dimensions of Learning) Dimension 5, which states in part, that students must be aware of the consequences of their behavior. They must also actively engage in tasks even when the outcome or purpose of those tasks are not readily apparent.

This student has a habit of pretending to be sick when things are not going his way. I've already had one discussion with Mom about how this kid behaves inappropriately while all the time watching me and smiling. He's looking for attention, and yesterday he got just what he was looking for.

I was teaching math. My student teacher was there, but was observing and documenting behavior for two other students who are practically guaranteed to fall through the cracks if they don't get additional help now. There was also an ELL teacher observing. She notice the student in question sitting in his desk at the back of the room while I was speeding through a quick review. He was in his math journal drawing in pen all over the page we were working on. She went to him and asked him what he was doing, and should he be doing that. He said, 'it didn't matter because 'we' never turn those pages in.'

My student teacher told be all about this after the math lesson finished. Knowing what I know about this student, I went to his desk, asked him to open up his book to the page he destroyed and explain what the destruction was all about.

I continued questioning him about his actions and the consequences of those actions for about two minutes. When I was done, he was shaken to the core. My student teacher said she'd never seen me like that, and had no idea where all that had come from. She notice I had never raised my voice above a whisper, but could tell that I was not a person to be messed with. Period.

"It all comes from my Aikido, and from Budo. This is the side of me you see at the dojo."

"Whoa," was all she could say.

Back in the Saddle

As of today, I have a record of three classes in a row. It's been a rough fall. First, school started on September 1st. Those first two weeks were exhausting and I missed several classes. Afterward, I picked up a sinus infection that also involved my chest, and I'm still coughing a lot. I went to half a dozen classes in September. October just began, and I've already attended half as many classes. I only missed last Saturday because I was still feeling sick, and I'd only started taking the antibiotics the doctor prescribed for me.

This has been a nice week, I practiced a wide variety of techniques, including some really obscure variations of some pretty basic techniques, and I've stayed injury free. Not too bad.
One thing I've noticed is a decrease in my range of motion in my right shoulder. I'm not sure if it's my osteoarthritis, or if it's just because I tend to sleep on my right side, and after so many years of this, my shoulder is just screwed up from the weight of me sleeping on that side all night long. I've noticed that the pain in my shoulder comes very early when I'm doing ukemi during the nikkyo and sankyo pins. Far earlier than on my left side.

I've also had a "light bulb" moment on my shikko, or knee walking. I've been able to figure out how to take a step forward so that I make an obtuse angle between my legs instead of something a lot closer to a right angle. That means I'm able to travel farther on each step. My steps aren't very fast, but since I'm able to cover more ground, I don't fall so far behind. I always thought that the arthritis in my hips would keep me from stepping forward that far, but somehow I've been able to make it happen. Maybe I'm thinking more consciously about bringing up my trailing leg, I don't know, but I'm making it work better than I ever have before. At least I'm improving somewhere.